update

After so long, I'm here to update my blog.
I have never incur any thought to have a kid of my own, until i watch the show. I feel so touch to see those kid growing up, and become more and more mature in handle and see things. And i can imagine how their parents would be so proud of their accomplishment on their child. Those children are sweet and warm, although sometimes they might behave a little bit of stubborn and naughty, but eventually they will feel guilty about it and apologize. How naive these kids is, as compare to us, I realize how much innocence i had lose as a side effect of being grow up. I want those purity back, sometimes it is tired to think all of the thing carefully, worry that is that anything that I did wrong and may offence other people around me. As kid, they will just show what they think, what they are, but as to the price for grow up, we have to hide our true side, it is hard for us to show honesty to others.
Isn't it comfortable and better to show your true self? I guess so, but some people just don't like it because they may think that is sometimes impolite?
Back to the topic of having kid, I have imagination of having kid of my own, how I should educate them, but when I come back to reality, I know that that is nearly impossible for me to have those imagination come true. But that is the purpose for imagination right, it is never need to be accomplish, what you have to do is just imagine and you will some how feel satisfy about it. Or maybe it is better to just fantasy because real life is far more miserable.  There are so many things appear in my mind that i can't elaborate because word can't describes thought, at least I can't. The things is about how I feel that is so complicated, and when I think about to illustrate it, I might have a depression. So, good night diary.

friend?

im so disappointed on how can they doubt whether we are still friends just because i didn tell her a "secret"?
in my opinion that is not even a secret, that just a little thing that doesn't concern of me neither she... Why is she can ask me whether we are friend because of this? So if im hiding something that means we are not friend anymore? 
i never doubt, i think we are friend... But are you? 
So "secret" can ruin a friendship... that is the thing i never taught before..
I didn't tell just because i respect other privacy, and its seriously doesn't my buisness... I cant tell u the real thing, because i have to respect other privacy..
I could have just tell u a lie to cover up, and you wont mad... But i didn't because i respect you...
And you still ask me whether we are friend?
I insist i didn't do anything wrong, I do the best I could to respect.. To not to lie...
I hate lie... I lied once, but it end up the most regret thing in my life, and i still shame of it...
Friend? of couse we are... But i just disappointed on how can you doubt that just because of this reason..

sometimes...i just wanted to tell the truth, instead of being hurt, i hope you will just grow up stronger and tougher ...

now, only i know that there did have people that they soul are so weak...
just like glasses...
so fragile until it can be like just a little bit of touch,could broke anyway...
all time before this i thought people soul are all just same kind,
strong as nothing could compare...
seems i was wrong...
big mistake...

yeah...... i am so happy... : (

symbol doesn mean everything....

just like the act of my face..

my face are just like the symbol that people put on...

use to hide ourself...

wherther sad or even worst....

maybe,it's change....

time might can change everything..
these day i did can feel the different,but never so calm before..i think i could just let it go,maybe is just because i grown up,or maybe i don't appreciate it a lot....
but really,i think i accept it so well,is just change...not the same as before,it use to brought me depress,but now....thinkalways change,just accept it and adapt it...it's ok~~
admit it,use to feel not comfortable with the losing of it...but some say when there's a door close,tats always a window there..look the other side,is maybe a good thing..
im just a ordinary person... i make choice of myself, to be happy...or continue sad...

Am I

is just...sometime i think do i will ever really fall for someone...Am i cold bloody?
i just cant really have someone tat i like or even love....is not like i don't have feeling to the opposite sex,just sometimes i could get really confuse..am i do really like him,or is just some admire feeling...
ya.. i do have some FEELING toward someone recently,but is that really means what i taught? or is it just a temporary crush?
I don't know why...but i do think i have some kind of special "power" , i can stop myself from truly like someone, when i ever start to have some special feeling to a guy,i will just keep sending message to my brain : is just a temporary crush ,is just a temporary crush..... by then, i will just over him quickly...
i also wondering why am i always do this to myself,i am the 1 tat keep saying wan to like someone,wan to have that kind of feeling too just like my friends does...but i am the reason that i could not really into someone else...guess that i am just too afraid of that kind of feeling (like fall in love) ,is new n terrifying to me...
while i typing this,i check the time, and it is 12:12am... never taught i will spend my precious sleeping time to blogging...but this taught just keep flowing over my head : Am i will going to really fall in "love" to someone?